in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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