i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
