addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
MIDGETS
????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You ate ashes out of my bong
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
