in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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