i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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