I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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