Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
