we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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