i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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