The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
