id be glad to
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
