You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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