uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
