so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
