oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
