There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
