Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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