let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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