Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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