I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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