Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
