he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
