i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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