We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize