mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
