Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
