please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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