God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
