yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
