oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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