I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
