I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
