btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All the doctor said was why
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
