I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just tell him i said nine months
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
