Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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