I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
