oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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