Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
