Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
