I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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