Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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