I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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