I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.