quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
