we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize