So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
