I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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