everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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