in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
