Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
