you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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