Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
