just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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