Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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