Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
