i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
