I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
