you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
NoShamevember. You game?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
