My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's blow job season.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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