dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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