Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
