yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
