No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
