why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be