I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't want my vagina anymore.