M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE