I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress