Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(207): View more from Maine

He violated my cat. I was not impressed.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.

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(309): View more from Illinois

You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?

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(520): View more from Arizona

HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE

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