Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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