you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
