I am in a vortex of obligation.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
