soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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