i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
