I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
