I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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