That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
