He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
