how hairy? two words: wookie tits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
