Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
